Indiyaapa : When Bollywood Met Reality

I walked out of my cabin mechanically, carrying my brown bag. I had somehow successfully managed to sell off ‘today’ in the market of life. I feel like this every day and today was no exception. As I reached the lobby downstairs, I recalled that I’d forgotten my cell phone in my cabin. All of a sudden, my mother’s playful taunt tinkled in my ears. “You’re very absent-minded.” She would often say that to me, right since I was a small child. And I guess I truly deserved that for always forgetting something or the other at all stages in life so far. Thus I was accustomed to this adjective bestowed upon me. “I must probably have forgotten the cell phone on my desk or the restroom; will check tomorrow. The earth will not stop its rotation if I have to spend a day without it.” I was talking myself into suppressing the urge to get my cell phone when I heard my colleague Ken calling out my name. As I turned back, he approached me and handed me my cell phone. I thanked him while putting the cell phone in my pocket. Ken nodded with a smile and we both began treading on our routine paths that were in divergent directions. Usually in my country India, such quick goodbyes don’t happen. People would joyfully discuss the whole affair in detail and then bid adieus but everyone here is too busy for any such thing. I normally take the metro. From my office to the metro station and then a ride home takes about half an hour every day. This thirty minutes’ journey each day was exclusively ‘me time’ wherein I tried to interact with myself. That evening, yellow leaves were scattered over snowflakes on the still road as silent observers of autumn. I was walking and counting these dried-up leaves when a message notification flashed on my phone’s screen. “Is it the right time to talk?” – Sarika. The message compelled my feet to halt. Before, I narrate the story further, I must tell you all about me. I ‘Sagar Shukla’ hereby am sharing the anecdote of my life and this is my full circle moment. As a child, when asked my name, I would only tell my first name ‘Sagar’ because I firmly believed that my surname ‘Shukla’ belonged to the rest of the family as well. Sagar was my identity and I had very unruly contemplations when it came to defending it however later in life, I realised that folks in my country were more interested in my surname than my given name. I was born and brought up in a tiny village away from the ostentatious life of a big city. My father gave up the ghost long before I was born. My mother worked hard as an elementary school teacher and later became the principal. Her life revolved around her kids and her work. My mother tried her best to remain strong before us still there were instances when I had seen her weep in solitude missing my father. Gradually she had mastered the art of concealing her sorrows. Consequently, she never made us feel the need of a father. I had never seen my father. It was my elder sister who would tell me about him rooted in the little memories she had of him. My mother was bit of a disciplinarian and my sister was excessively caring. My childhood was spent under the discipline of my mother and loving care of my sister and my country In my country, one doesn’t decide the course of life based on personal predilection. It is the societal pressure that lays the foundation of many choices we make. In those days, every young chap in my village was aspiring to either be a doctor or an engineer thus I was also made to ride the same tide. There was no question of retaliation therefore a compliant son started working hard to accomplish the dreams his mother had sown in his eyes. My sister was aware of my fondness for poetry and wanted me to be a writer. She was my sole listener but even she lacked the audacity to tell mother. Time went on and I learnt to make peace with mathematics and science and sacrificed my preferences. There is an eccentric twist of fate associated with my name Sagar. After the completion of my studies, when I joined the merchant navy, I called it pure coincidence because I knew nothing about merchant navy. In fact, nobody in my village had ever heard of it before. My mother always wanted me to pursue a conventional career but after I joined the merchant navy, she began to tell all and sundry that she had had a kind of foresight and that is why I was named Sagar (which by the way means an ocean). Mothers and their remarkable imagination can have a field day churning out arbitrary tempestuous fables! To sum it up, I can say, my life so far has been very run of the mill. It never impacted anyone. I quietly followed the paths that were shown to me without questioning. I tried my best to live up to the expectations of my mother and I fared well. I wanted to study languages but gave that up and studied mathematics instead because it was in trend. After completing high school, I appeared for IIT-JEE and succeeded. Then I got a call from TS Chanakya College for Merchant Navy and I opted for it because it gave me the hope that soon I will start earning and help mother, and life changed. My college life comprised of training and only training. I am personally not a big fan of discipline, but my conditioning was such that the thought to escape never ran across my mind. Upon completing the training, I got a job as a trainee cadet and was gradually promoted to a captain. I built my home in Benares so that my mother could live a peaceful life following her retirement and finally be comfortable and at leisure. My sister got married. She stays in Bangalore with her husband and is blessed with a charming son. I named him Parth so he would become as focussed as Arjuna. My nephew was very close to me. Everybody used to tell him that he would follow the lead of his maternal uncle. Now, I am working for the shipping company which gave me a posting in Finland. Mother lives alone in Benares and I have shifted here. See, how the characters change but the story remains the same! A very plain story indeed, huh? I think all stories are ordinary. It is the intensity of emotions involved that makes them extraordinary. I was sailing in a steady boat when I had come across a smiting whirlpool called Bhakti. I was stuck for years in that whirlpool, swirled around for years, unable to find a way out. “After so many years…..Why is this message from Sarika?” Guilt, remorse, anticipation, nostalgia and hope – all emerged in my heart at the same time. 04.Can’t help falling in love A mighty moment has the power to transform your life. That day I had gone to the Nokia service centre to get my phone fixed. In those days, a touch screen mobile phone was a luxury that only a few people enjoyed in a city like Benares. I work in the merchant navy. Young men of my age believed why not show off if you’ve got something to show? I was no different. If people like us would not show off expensive stuff then how will others acknowledge us being in merchant navy and our status! I was waiting for my turn at the service centre with the token receipt. I had no idea that a mighty moment was about to play its part in my life. Any neighbouring technical expert could have mended my American phone for as much as rupees fifty but since my phone was lavishly exorbitant for my pocket, I did not want to take chance. Thus, I brought it to an authorized service centre so it could be repaired flawlessly. I was sitting quietly ignoring the hustle-bustle of the service centre and tapping my foot fiercely as if it could help me skip the long queue. I cast fleeting looks at the people drinking water from the water filter, the moustache of the security guard and the guy sitting at the customer care desk. And suddenly, more by accident and less by design, the mighty moment played its cards. Nothing was like the movies! No violins played, no flowers bloomed, no angels sang, no rain, no butterflies and rose petals. In short, nothing dramatic happened on her first entry in the movie of my life. To be honest, if any of these would have been there, still, I would have been unable to pay attention as I was enchanted by her. People change with time. Sometimes we lose them but the image we have of them, never changes. I checked her out and that moment was hammered in my memory forever. I didn’t have the slightest consideration that this moment that was going to change the course of my life. She was clad in a blue kurta, white churidar and a zari dupatta. Her pretty face illuminating everything around her, her hair tied in a braid and her golden earrings kissing her earlobes, those enormous eyes looked beautiful without any artificial adorning! It wasn’t the destiny of make up to be able to feel those gorgeous eyes. Her silver nose pin shimmered like a star and a thin gold chain in her neck segregating her fair face and her long curly hair like a flash of lightning. Her lips were as pink as the rose petals. Perhaps she was wearing some lipstick but my heart had accepted that it was the original shade of her lips. She was a natural beauty. She did not require any makeup to enhance her looks. A thin strap silver watch embellished her left wrist and on the right she was wearing a steel spring bangle. I had seen a girl wear something like that before. On further examining, I noticed a pearl ring on her fifth digit. She was wearing flat, brown footwear. Maroon cross-body bag on her back with small bells that tinkled as she moved. The description might sound prolonged today but that day all these details were surveyed in a few seconds. We men know where to focus. We might not understand a grammar concept despite several attempts and get a lot of bashing for it but if the object of focus is a girl we are crushing on, we will exhaust all our attentiveness and dedication. People might judge and find this absurd but you fall in love with the most unexpected person at the most unexpected time. It is beyond your control. Young men in India ogle at girls their age and use a slang dictionary of their own. For instance, the word ‘Maal’ originally means goods however boys use this word to refer a hot chic. Had it been any other girl, probably I would have uttered some slang for sure but this feeling was different. She was not an arm candy. There was no lust involved. All I felt was a new sensation. Perhaps it was love at first sight. She entered the service centre and I got a closer view. My heart started pounding like a racing train. I stopped tapping my foot. I lost authority over my senses. Every now and then my eyes were stealing glances at her. The memory of her first entry in my life and her angelic face is still fresh in my mind. When we are young, our subconscious mind plays with us and we unintentionally perform impression formation. When we come across someone who matches the image of a potential love interest we have formed in our mind, we start feeling all warm and fuzzy inside. I had seen many beautiful girls before but when I saw her, I instantly knew she was the one. I was busy taking a gander at her when suddenly my eyes met the security guard sitting at the entrance. His face expressed strong condemnation. The security guards with a long moustache are God’s secret soldiers entrusted to pull one out of the whirlpool of insane imagination and bring them back to reality. She entered and collected the token receipt from the security guard. She fished in her bag to take out her phone and some papers. She swerved her head to manage her hair and began to look for a vacant seat. I noticed the only unoccupied seats were the two next to me. Sitting pretty, thanking my stars I was hoping for a miracle that could direct her to sit next to me. And behold! My wish was granted. She started walking towards me. Everything was going on smoothly when out of the blue an old man came and dumped his hefty body in the chair next to me. Now the old man was between me and the girl of my dreams. He was no less than a villain in a romantic flick. She was sitting so close and I yearned to fill her fragrance in my mind through my nostrils but I didn’t dare look at her. The stout old man soaked in sweat was overshadowing the exquisiteness of the moment as well as the fragrance. It was no less than a lunar eclipse. I was miserable. If I had made any attempt to look at her, everyone would have come to know. I didn’t want people to know that she had an admirer. I always say, some challenges look petty but they test you like a tricky conundrum. She had her feet stretched out and I started looking at them trying hard to not make it obvious to others. But my happiness was short-lived. She pulled her feet behind as her sixth sense complained to her. Feeling almost guilty, I immediately looked away. I wanted to know more about this girl. I wished for some oracle to announce her name and contact details to me or in any case her social media handles. I could take it ahead from there. Then I grasped that probably I was being too demanding and without any delay I began to negotiate, “Dear God! You don’t have to work so hard all alone. Just lend me a helping hand and give me a sign. Please bless me and leave the rest to my dedication and perseverance.” We had to go to the same counter to get our phones checked. While standing in the queue, I kept controlling the urge to turn back and catch a glimpse of her celestial face. I even thought of some foolish ideas like dropping my pen or pretend to answer a phone and turn and achieve my goal. Somehow all the silly plans remained untried. An Indian boy from a lower middle class family usually lacks courage to do such things. Our upbringing is different. All our lives, our parents take major decisions for us. A guy who does not even buy underpants of his preferred brand, but goes with what the family has been buying, how do you expect him to look at a girl in front of so many people? I couldn’t. I was not an exception. It would have been awfully embarrassing. It was my turn at the counter. The guy sitting at the counter checked my phone and asked me to wait for a while. She was next so as soon as I turned, I had the prettiest face in the world before my eyes. The guy at the counter called out, “Bhakti Singh!” There could not be any other name as sweet as hers. She elegantly walked to the counter and as she surpassed me, a cool breeze calmed my anxiety. Had the guard not frightened me again with his big moustache and stern look, I think I would have stood there like a statue. Her first name tinkled many bells in my heart but her surname gave me a jolt. We belonged to different castes and it surely could be a strong obstacle later on but I was smitten by her face and her name echoed in my ears matching the pace of my heartbeat. I cheered myself up thinking young men become rebels for love and marry the girl they like and here I was finding it difficult to even approach her. In a jiffy, I made up my mind. I longed for this girl and she became the sole objective of my life now. At the time she was talking to the guy at the counter discussing the trouble in her phone, I was thinking of the possible ways to talk to her. Befriending the guy at the counter to obtain her telephone number was the first idea. I was still thinking when somebody came and sat next to me. I turned and saw it was her. I was enthralled. We were so close that our eyes met. She smiled and greeted me politely in her sweet voice. I looked at her shiny white teeth, brighter than all toothpaste commercials on TV. One look at her smiling lips and I was again love-struck. All of a sudden, I realised, I was so lost in admiring her beauty that I had forgotten to reply. I became nervous. She must have thought I was discourteous. I gathered all my courage to reply but as soon as I opened my mouth to say hello, I realised, my voice denied coming out. I swear I wanted to kill myself because my vocal cords had failed to deliver. My dream to say hello to her had crashed badly. Feeling contrite, I wanted to hide somewhere. I wanted to disappear to steer clear of the awkwardness but before it could happen, God sent his soldier to my rescue. The security guard smiled at me through his moustache and said, “Tomorrow you both have to come here according to the time mentioned on your receipts to collect your phones until then please keep these spare phones. Insert your SIM cards in them and use for a day. Tomorrow, when you come please return the service centre phones and collect yours.” God’s soldier handed us the receipts and the phones. Bhakti quickly slipped the receipt in her bag and walked away. Perhaps she didn’t want to look at a guy who could not even say hello. “A girl as pretty as her has the right to overlook a jerk like me.” I thought. With a heavy heart, I tossed the receipt in my wallet. The guard smiled at me as somebody had bestowed him with a blessing to smile everlastingly. Now, my only aim in life was to find a way to contact Bhakti. After reaching home, I checked the limited social media platforms available in those days and searched for her passionately but I didn’t find any success. Though I found some profiles with a similar name but it was not very common for girls to use their own photograph as their profile picture. Still, I kept trying. My efforts would have put any research student to shame. I lost heart seeing all my efforts go in vain but I didn’t give up. At last, I thought of calling the guy at the service centre counter and request him. “If he had an ounce of compassion and no sense of competition, he would surely help me out.” I thought. I immediately took out the receipt and dialled the number printed on it. A lady picked up and told me that the guy had left the job. “Lucky chap! He saw such a beautiful customer on his last working day. He must have attained Nirvana.” I thought to myself. I disconnected the call and then thought of meeting the old guard and beg him to help me out. I was desperate to talk to her thus I even thought of going to the service centre early in the morning next day and help the guard with his routine chores until night so when she comes to pick up the phone, I could be able to catch a glimpse of her. The things we do for love! When in distress, we always turn to the supreme power. I also pleaded God to help me. Just then, under the pressure of my anxiety, I took the receipt out of my wallet to confirm if I was supposed to pick my phone up the next day. My destiny had started writing a different story for me. The receipt bore Bhakti’s name. I thought that I was so enchanted by her that I was imagining all this. I took a closer look and found out that it was truly her name which meant that our receipts were exchanged. The Sherlock Holmes inside me grinned. A great man has said when you want something; entire universe conspires in helping you to achieve it. For me, the work of universe was done by the Nokia service centre’s security guard who had exchanged our receipts. The old guard who appeared to be a monster until now unexpectedly became a guardian angel. I developed immense respect for him. Had he been around, I would have given him a bear hug and thanked him for he had inadvertently done a lot for me. The receipt in my hand had her name and address on it along with her phone number. I had the key to the treasure. I only had to say, ‘open sesame’. My heart was singing. “Yours was the first face that I saw I think I was blind before I met you, I don’t know where I am, I don’t know where I’ve been But I know where I want to go” My contemplation forced me to brood over the negative side as well. Doubt surrounded me. What if she did not turn up at the service centre the next day? Or what if we don’t end up being there at the same time? The whiz kid inside me wanted to call her up but my inner speech warned me otherwise. I didn’t want her to have any wrong assumptions about me. I didn’t want to look desperate. There was a small challenge again. On one hand, I was dying to talk to her and on the other; I didn’t want to look hasty or crazy. I always say that small challenges look petty but they test you like a tricky conundrum. They are more difficult because they pain like an ulcer and you can’t easily do away with them. I always had high opinion of my positivity but I was surrounded by pessimistic thoughts while deciding whether to call or not. Finally I put off the idea of calling her until I regained my calmness. Exchange of receipts was a good excuse and I could use it. It was seven o’clock in the evening now and I was still in a tight spot. Should I call now or wait until tomorrow? Finally I found solace in the refuge of God. I hoped God would guide me naturally or at least show me the right path. I had faith in miracles of God and I was a firm believer. I know very well that I was not the only one begging the heavens to be united with their love but I can think rationally now, not then. I was unable to think beyond Bhakti then. I gained some confidence after praying. I had decided that I will call her the next day and tell her that our receipts had got exchanged by mistake. The terrace of our house was my pillar of strength that day. It had always given me support and power and I knew it would not disappoint me. I began to tiptoe towards the staircase to reach the rooftop and unintentionally, my body language became weird as if I was going to hide a corpse and was scared of being caught. After reaching the terrace, I first rehearsed a near perfect beginning. Not very straightforward or she could know what was going inside my heart. I practiced many times in different ways. Sometimes I acted like famous Bollywood actors and sometimes tried to sound like a proud lion. That could scare her and I did not want that so I tried to sound very meek but it didn’t sound masculine. At length, after a series of scrupulous attempts, I bowed down to the Gods to seek their blessings. I had never felt so nervous in my life. Preparing for the toughest entrance exam like IIT was easier than this. As I dialled her number, I felt a sudden quietness all around me. Like every element of nature had become still awaiting the live telecast of the humiliation I was about to face. All the classic romantic scenes of films flashed before my eyes. I was scared. I was nervous and my heart was beating so loud that I could count each and every heartbeat. After a small bell, a song started playing which she had selected as her caller tune. Like a movie scene, in the sweetest dreams, I have pictured us together Waiting for tonight, when you would be here in my arms Waiting for tonight, I’ve dreamed of this love for so long! I’m waiting for tonight My heart skipped a beat. I was overjoyed. I was naive to feel like that. She did not even know me and that song was not for me yet I felt elated. I crossed my fingers wishing no one else picks up the call barring her. Another thought leapt up, “What if she misunderstood me for a Casanova?” The song kept on playing but no-one answered the call and it was automatically disconnected. An automated voice announced “The person you are trying to call is not picking up the call right now. Please call after sometime.” I was not happy that the person I wanted to talk to was out of my reach. I am thankful the voice didn’t say that the person was out of my league. I would have become despondent. I was thinking whether I should call again shamelessly or pick up the hint God had given me and discard my thoughts before getting insulted badly. Like every young boy in love, my heart also divided between two opposite camps. First one decent and the other one like a flirt. The decent one tried talking me into giving up the girl who wasn’t even ready to pick the phone calls of strangers saying, “Why the hell is she going to talk to you?” But then my flirt version tried hard. “She could be busy. The phone must have been on silent mode. Don’t lose your hopes. Try again.” The confusion continued for a few minutes. Every man wants to follow the advice of the decent party but it is the flirt party that always wins. I took a deep breath and prepared myself to call her again. With my trembling fingers, I was trying somehow to dial when my phone rang. What I saw on the screen was not easy to believe. I checked again and then one more time and discovered that it was a call-back from Bhakti. Now there was more confusion. Should I answer this call? Should I not? What will I say if I answer it? A thousand questions encircled me. The phone kept ringing and simultaneously the battle inside my heart kept going on. Finally I mustered some guts and answered the call. I can still feel how the green button of my phone had become a synonym of hara-kiri at that moment. She said hello and Mozart’s Symphony played in my ears. Sometimes you find a voice so sweet that you want to remain silent and listen to it forever. I cleared my throat and introduced myself hesitantly and explained how our receipts had got exchanged. I was appalled at the fall of my communication skills. I shared all this in one breath like a child who vomits a crammed answer. I did not give her the slightest hint about my true intention behind calling her. I succeeded in hiding my feelings. Before hanging up the call, we agreed to reach the centre at the same time so we could exchange our receipts. I had rehearsed for more than half an hour but our conversation didn’t last more than two minutes but I felt centuries have passed. I was sad that all my preparation was wasted. I had lost my senses after hearing her voice. Those two minutes were like a pen drive carrying my favourite track. I replayed her voice several times in my mind until the next day before going to meet her. “Control Sagar, control yourself! Brace up. Now you have to get ready for tomorrow.” I told myself while going downstairs. I wished I crossed her mind at least once in a while so I did not look stupid while thinking about her all the time. 08.Just the Two of Us Absence makes the heart grow fonder but it surely makes you very lonesome because love and memories travel along with you as far as they want. You don’t have a control over them. Being in the Merchant Navy, my time was well split into being on the ship and going back home. A gap of months between the two was routine. I used to be on the ship physically but mentally, I was always with Bhakti. She used to be busy with studies and I used to be sailing without any means to contact her often. I never missed the smallest opportunity to speak with her over the telephone as and when I got any. Our time zones never matched because of different geographic locations, yet telepathy always worked. Once I had called her at one in the night and she had picked up the call despite her phone being on silent mode and she being in deep sleep. We kept talking until the morning to make up for the next one month of no contact due to my schedule. That night we made a plan to go to Sarnath during my vacation so we could spend quality time together. Sarnath is a famous Buddhist pilgrimage to the rest of the world but for the people of Benares, it is not a place of enlightenment but a place to date and also a popular picnic spot. Even the mention of it from young girls and boys can elevate suspicion in their kin and folks. The day arrived and we both made some excuses at our respective places to be able to spend an entire day together. It was our first meeting after my return from the ship. I was waiting with my bike to pick her up at the cantonment when I spotted her walking towards me and I could not take my eyes off her. She cut a dash for sure. Each time we met after my return, I longed to hold her close to my heart and tell her how much I missed her. And each time, such feelings remained suppressed and buried in the deep chambers of my heart. It was not easy to hug a girl in public in a crowded city like Benares and I lacked such guts. Soon, we were off to Sarnath and all through the way, young boys kept ogling at Bhakti confirming they were resentful of my good fortune. The traffic in Benares made our ride a bit longer than it was supposed to be. We utilized the time in talking. After casual chit chat, I complimented her, “Man, how you are getting prettier day by day, what is the secret?” She blushed and said while pointing towards me, “This guy is responsible for my prettiness.” These words sounded the sweetest and I was lost in the maze of her kohled eyes through the rear view mirror. I am thankful to the Gods till date for reaching Sarnath without an injury despite not being able to focus on the road since her stunningly innocent eyes captivated me. While strolling through Sarnath, we both talked about many things. After the standard dull sets of steering commands, responses and acknowledgment at the ship for so many days, the sound of her words comforted my ears and my heart. We saw the Sarnath zoo which hardly had any animals and then came across what it is more famous for; young couples dating. I showed Bhakti a couple who were kissing passionately and she turned red. Enticed internally, I made my mind that I had to do something that day; at least try to put my arm around her shoulders. The fear of retaliation was over after the small contact while watching the movie Vivah. I took many captivating pictures of Sarnath that evening. I requested a young couple to click our picture and hesitantly asked Bhakti if I could put my arm around her shoulders. I was shy to ask again but Bhakti held my hand and wrapped my arm around her shoulder saying I did not even know how to insist. All those memories are alive in my mind and I often revisit them as pictures. Bhakti was very happy on the way back since we both got to spend an entire day together. Upon returning, I told Raju that I managed to wrap my arm around Bhakti’s shoulder and hid my hesitation and shyness. Raju was disappointed and told me to speed up since I was way behind as compared to normal dating rules. I smiled because I was happy with the way things were taking shape. With the passage of time, our bond grew stronger. A lot of time was exhausted in being on the ship and taking up several trainings. Raju would often mock saying the course of my professional life would soon vanish the tiniest possibility of intercourse from my life. I was in Mumbai (then Bombay) for a special training. We were on the phone when I appreciated the bustling tinsel town but for Bhakti Benares was beyond comparison. She proposed to show me the fort of Ramnagar in our next meeting. It was around 14 kilometres from Varanasi so we hoped to spend great time together without many interruptions. In my flight from Mumbai to Benares, I kept thinking about the fort and our planned meeting. The red sandstone fort dates back to the 17th century and is adorned by all the typical features of the Mughal architecture. There are a number of carved balconies, arcades, towers, open courtyards and pavilions in the fort and I could find a lone corner to kiss her. The next day we left for Ramnagar. Bhakti was alluring in a combination of red and black Indian ethnic wear. That day, I realized that red colour denotes love and black denotes romance as before that they were mere colours for me. Probably girls in their young years become more beautiful every day. At least I felt like that after seeing her bewitch me. That day, Bhakti gently rested her shoulder on my back while sitting on my bike and I was flying in the air. We reached the fort and we saw it closely. The things from the past gave me a philosophical feel; everything in the world, every human being, every power has to be destroyed one day. When I told this to Bhakti, she laughed it away saying I always had a different angle to see things. Then we passed through a dark passageway behind the fort and reached the spot from where it looks down upon the Ganges. She was thrilled to see the expanse of the river and bowed down to the Ganges but I was pondering over what she had said a few minutes ago. I worried if I was seeing things with another prospective and what if I was but only a friend for her! Thousands of scary thoughts moved me as I feared falling from her grace. Engrossed in such thoughts, I kept staring at the Ganges with her in silence. As the evening progressed, the beauty of the Ganges was increasing further. Suddenly a gust of wind blew her hair and I could smell the scent which made me intoxicated. There are some moments that can make even the strongest person weak and this was one such moment. I said, “Bhakti, did we ever think that one day we will be so close to each other?” “My grandmother always says that everything that happens is pre-destiny.” She said without moving her eyes off the river. I had heard this theory but I had never paid much attention to it. I tried to tease her saying, “So our meeting at Nokia service centre, the swap over of the receipts, bumping into each other under the tree in the rain, us growing closer; were all this scripted by destiny?” “Probably.” She replied without arguing. Lost in the beauty of the Ganges, she was not in the mood to plead. As the sun glitter turned into a scattered red on the surface of water, I extended my hand and caught her finger with mine. She did not resist and soon our fingers embraced each other. “It’s time for us to return.” She said with a heavy heart. The most beautiful moments always seem to accelerate and slip beyond one’s grasp just when you want to hold onto them for as long as possible. I got up and followed her. We had to pass through the same dark passageway on our way back. My inebriated heart longed to get closer to her and express my love. In an attempt to draw her close, I gently caught hold of her hand. “Are you scared?” Bhakti asked humorously. I wanted to speak but words failed me. My breathing intensified. I stopped her and drew closer. “What happened, Sagar?” She asked panicking when I got so close. My lips started moving like a magnet to stick to hers. With the decreasing distance between us, I realized the warmth of her breath near my lips. She could not move as her hands were tightly grasped into mine. My eyes were closed and it was all happening instinctually. My lips were about to touch her soft lips when suddenly we heard the security guard’s voice, “The time to visit the fort is over. Please leave.” I immediately moved away from Bhakti. As we walked out, I felt as if the guard saved me from committing something wrong. While returning that day, both of us were silent. I could not even muster the courage to say bye when I dropped her. I was restless that night. I lied to Raju that our Ramnagar plan was cancelled. I kept wondering whether I should have crossed the limit or not. I never asked her what she wanted. Lost in these questions, I dozed off. A long time has passed, but the feeling of walking along the walls of the fort of Ramnagar holding each other’s hands, still smoulders inside me. I wonder if the henna on her palms is still whittled on the damp walls of that fort. That was the first day I had seen henna on her palms. She had written the first letter of my name ‘S’ on her palm and had kept it hidden from the world.